Ljoli's Blog

Where the hell did swine flu go/Did swine flu go to hell?

2010-04-20T14:00:00.003+03:00

Yes, this is the question I asked myself this morning after I woke up from the nightmare in which I was wondering the ghetto in Sofia and could not remember where my flat was, seeing psycho faces all around and walking across the sea trying unsuccessfully not to get my feet wet. I must have been pretty overwhelmed by negative thoughts recently- moreover, since my return to the Vaterland and to the Bulgarian reality of pessimism, unemployment and zigzagging through the holes in the roads and in people's heads, I am becoming cynical. Cynical, but healthy, which is still considered to be the utmost expression of wellbeing. So, yes, I am at least in good health even though this doing-nothing is sucking my energy. Among possible reasons I could think of are: eating my mom's food, plenty of fresh vegetables, enough sleep (if I manage to wake up at all) and last but not least- the fact that I never got the chance to experience swine flu, which obviously all the planet was endangered with.
Where did the swine flu go at all? I have not heard a word about it in several months now and I am really starting to worry. As obviously it failed to knock me down with pain, fever, and endanger my overly precious life, my cynical self has invented some theories about its end, which I will only confine to my small to nonexistent Internet audience. And if they by any chance offend your grief, your feelings and sound politically incorrect (for any clarifications on political correctness, ask the Americans or watch Southpark), I strongly recommend you to interrupt reading this piece of nothing immediately. Anyways, back to the search of the extinct swine flu danger.
Theory number one: Great theories are usually simple theories that only few people dared express because of the simple fact that what they had to say sounded too simple. Let's remember how last year we were all advised to keep good personal hygiene, use antibacterial gels to sanitize our hands and wash them frequently. Well, half the people I know or meet randomly in public bathrooms seem to forget to wash their hands after they visit those facilities. Having in mind the overall number of people on the planet who were actually proven to have died or been affected by swine flu, given that under the swine flu prevention propaganda half of the people I know started washing their hands due to fear of contamination, and applying simple statistical and mathematical laws (you apply them, I cannot) I could conclude the following: all the remaining swine flu viruses went down the drain, washed away by soap, wet wipes and normal tap water. Elementary, my dear Watson.
Theory number two: The erruption of the volcano in Iceland which I for simplistic reasons call Ejaculator (which maybe has little to do with its real name but refers more to its real function) simply destroyed all the remaining H1N1s or sent them high where the skys are blue where airplanes will not fly until further notice. The dark cloud carrying across the European continent rocks, dust, volcano particles and the most explosion-resistent H1N1 maybe passing above your country in the moment you are reading (or not) this. And if it starts raining cats and dogs, celebrate it, it could be raining pigs. Hallelujah!
Theory number three: My least favourite. Having in mind that it is on the pigs to blame for spreading this lethal disease that will not only transform you into a pig but is also threatening to kill you, I guess someone could have well killed the swine species in the middle of some dark night (just like certain people decided to kill Jews, intellectuals, Polish military officials in Katyn, John Kennedy etc-). Maybe no pig is left alive on the earth now except for George Clooney's pet- I have no idea, ask Ms Cannalis. Maybe nowadays we are being served dogs and cats, or mad cows, or soya meat substitutes instead. But at least the swine threat is gone, or so it seems to me.
Theory number four: Polish people, do not hate me. Moreover, if you are angry at the Italian newspaper L'Unita, do not get me involved. I am deeply sorry for the great loss the Polish elite suffered, for the President and its wife, for the high state officials which died in the airplane crash. But has it ever occurred to somebody that maybe they were also carrying on the plane the last remnants of the notorious H1N1 viruses and they sacrificed their lives to save mankind? Because that is what real Catholics do,isn't it? They love their others more than they love themselves. And Kaczynski was a conservative Catholic with conservative values. Thank you, Polish men. You maybe saved my life. Rest in peace.
Theory number five: I actually do not have a fifth theory of my own. But I am going to ask the birds and the cows about their experience, and I will get back to you. Until then, OINK!

My last morning at this institution of democracy, human rights and the rule of law

2010-03-30T11:20:00.003+03:00

My thinking process has obviously been neglected in the last two weeks, for the obvious and not-so-obvious reasons that I have been spending more time out, spring fatigue and apathy have settled in, and because I had my sister visiting. However, here you can find some of the fruits of my early morning thinking process- represented in numbers- in the bright light of my last day of my traineeship at the Council of Europe.

1. One, or better to say- once-in-a-lifetime experience- this how my optimistique-moi could evaluate very partially the last three months of my life that I spent in Strasbourg. Further explanation why would follow when emotions calm down and I can think clearly again from the distance of place and time.
2. Two more nights left to spend in Strasbourg. Only one in the bed I was paying good money for. Eh...
3. Three months of a paid job searching and so far no results (almost none). I think it's time now, the joke's not funny anymore.
4. Four Todorovis under the same roof in Italy in just a couple of days. Looking forward to it, finally a family reunion abroad!
5. Only five of my best friends are still in Strasbourg. Creme de la creme!
6. Six is about the number of things I need to buy for myself in order to face the spring- shoes, jeans, blouses, bags, an Ipod, a new perfume. And I am being modest here!
7. Out of the seven deadly sins I could have committed in Strasbourg I think I could only be blamed for one- loth- if I am not counting the times I dropped my nerves in virtual conversations.
8. Eight years I have lived outside of my house, and soon I will be coming back to my roots. It is going to be quite a change, but maybe it's time...
9. Nine months until the end of the year, and if I have to wait all that time to find a job and for the crisis to be gone, I can only think of one way to nicely fill up that time.
10. Ten hours of travelling are expecting me on Thursday. Scary driver and a claustrophobic car are all included in the price. They say that the journey is more important than the destination. I am going to try to prove that axiom wrong. Italy, mamma's coming home!

I-thought NOT

2010-03-14T18:11:00.004+02:00

The day is a completely relaxed, uneventful and greyish Sunday. It actually feels good to spend time alone given that there is nothing better to do (and it saves money too). No thoughts today, just music. Started off with Fatboy Slim, continued with the Prodigy, Hearts of Tibet, Duke Ellington (the guy is a genius), and here I am back to what I started last Sunday- good ol' Faith No More- I wonder why I like them so much recently. I guess it's the deep anger they convey and that corresponds very well to what is starting to accumulate in my head/heart/both and will probably lead to an explosion of tears any time soon. But as far as today is concerned, tears are not on the agenda, especially after reading this article. English speakers, click here.

I was once told that people in Naples can sell to tourists anything, including an empty sealed jar, labelled as "Aria di Napoli" (air from Naples). Well, apparently it is not just poor people from Naples (who have been absolutely unjustly convicted of being Antichrists), there go the Brits as well. Oh no, wait a second- they are actually giving out the fresh air for free as part of their apparently very friendly PR campaign! The special limited edition of this air has been captured in the English country side and will serve to satisfy at least part of the daily needs of the average stressed worker in the United Kingdom. Great idea, chaps, you just found a new way to paraphrase the old saying about Mohammed and the mountain to "If the worker cannot find fresh air, fresh air will find the worker". In a jar. And since this is allegedly going to be genuine country air, I wonder if it will as well come in different flavors, such as "cow's excrements", "fresh rain on a hay stack", "pine wood", "dead algae'...

I am actually quite interested in the results this campaign is going to have. More important than that, I would also recommend it to the municipality of Sofia. I would appreciate walking in the center of the city with my nose deeply stuck in a jar and getting high on fresh country air, which would actually save me from having to inhale the nasty vapors of the old cars and fast food restaurants. In the meantime, due to the severe lack of fresh air, I'll keep pouring whisky in the jar and hoping to stay as far as possible from the countryside. I am a city girl, after all.

Strasbourg: The Council of Europe Series 2

2010-03-12T16:01:00.004+02:00

I just came to thinking that for more than two months in Strasbourg I have not taken a single photograph of the city, nor have I had the chance to really stroll about it unconstrained by severe weather conditions such as snow, rain, fog, cold, wind or all of the above at practically the same time. It is a shame, because although the city does not have a lot to offer in terms of social life, it is still a place where I think I can live and actually live well. And then, as I am about to end my French experience in a few weeks from now, here are some more general observations about Strasbourg and its people:
1. I happen to live in the ugliest neighbourhood of the city, which one can easily recognise by the agglomeration of blocks of flats, rectangular buildings in beige and similar pastel colours, and few to none green areas (not counting the Parc de la Citadelle which I am very lucky to be able to see from the window). This neighbourhood would look disturbingly much after the sad neighbourhoods of panel blocks built during Communist times if it were not for the cleanliness, the clearly marked parking places and the working elevators in the buildings in which having a working light bulb in the staircase is actually considered normal and not a luxury.
2. To me, Strasbourg is as French as I am Greek. It goes without saying that you can hardly find anything not written in French or anyone who would not look down on you for the fact that you don't speak French, but in terms of life order, people's appearances and even food, I'd rather think that I'm living in a German community.
3. Please disregard all I said above, because I just thought of something which makes Strasbourg French enough to deserve its geographical location- cleanliness. Never had I seen people with hair that greasy, supermarkets that stinky and personal hygiene habits so unavailable as here. Just a simple example: nobody but me seemed to find strange this child I saw the other day writing his homework sitting comfortably on the pavement in front of the school with all his books scattered and around and a croissant left on the ground next to it. Nobody seems to care about washing their hands after using the lavatory. Nobody seems to notice that beer glasses in the pubs are not being properly washed. Nobody seems to notice that public lavatories stink of piss.
4. Apparently my frequent visits to the supermarkets have led to a lot of conclusions about people here- Yes, I like standing in line looking at what they buy and how much they pay for it. This is how I very subjectively judge about their lifestyle and income. My general conclusion is that people do not seem to eat very healthy here (and after all, who eats healthy these days?). All I see on the cash lines in the supermarkets is white bread, frozen, canned, half-made or ready-made meals (not OK, even if branded by WeightWatchers- I actually prefer to watch myweight myself and not have anyone watch it for me but oh, who cares). All I have been given in the canteens is heavy sauces, hard meat, smelly fish and overcooked pasta. All I care to order in restaurants is a tarte flambee because it is about the only one local speciality I can eat. French people, your sweets are lovely, but aren't you neglecting the salty part somehow?
5. I just found out that every statement I make here contradicts the previous ones. Look at my colleague with whom I'm sharing the office- here daily routine is impeccable- two apples, or two oranges, at 4p.m., every day. This must be a French thing as she is not the only on doing it- the sound of biting apples in the early afternoon hours is starting to conquer my floor.
6. It is actually OK to burp in public here and not be considered impolite or disgusting. Way to go!
7. People who are originally from Strasbourg are deeply convinced that Strasbourg is the best place in the world to live in. I wonder if they're right.

Photographs illustrating my experience will follow whenever we get positive air temperatures ad some sun here.

I-thought of the day (March 10, 2010)

2010-03-10T22:16:00.002+02:00

1. My day started with a great compliment I received as soon as I got off the tram on my way to work. A group of 15-year-old-looking Italian teenagers in sport pants and Tokyo Hotel hoodies called me "Guardate che figa" (Look what a chick!). They really made my day.
2. Word of the day: utopia. For a contemporary definition, click here.
3. Word of the evening: apathy. I'm too apathetic to search for its definition now.
4. Walking is the only exercise I can afford to do here, and probably the most pleasant one as well. It temporarily clears your mind off the serious thoughts that run into your head when locked among four walls.
5. Оттук нататък продължавам на български, не само защото така ми харесва, а и защото скоро май ще ми влезе обратно в употреба. Един дерт по-малко.
6. Липсва ми да се грижа за някого. В момента да се грижа само за собствената си особа е отегчително, въпреки че външните резултати са задоволителни. Де да знаех и как сама да се подстрижа, косата ми расте, ли расте.
7. Всеки втори ден меля на главата на хората за едно и също нещо с ясното съзнание, че ставам досадна. Тези, на които меля, си знаят кои са и по-добре да се стягат в най-скоро време.
8. Добавям миенето на чинии към действията, които ти прочистват мозъка от негативни мисли. Има нещо магично в бавното и отмерено въртене на гъбата с лек натиск и отмиването на пяната, която леко се спуска към канала и се смесва с горещата вода докато изчезва.
9. Започва да ми харесва идеята да живея в собствен дом, който да пазя и подреждам както на мен ми се иска и ми е приятно. Тази идея също така се нарича 'Да се завърнеш в бащината къща' (или съответно в тази, която родителите са направили за теб, да са живи и здрави).
10. Чудя се дали блогвам по задължение или защото ми харесва да го правя всеки ден. Май по-скоро второто с елементи на първото.

I-thought of the day (March9, 2010)

2010-03-09T20:05:00.002+02:00

The day has been marked by one word: regression. Not an arithmetical or a geometrical one, God forbid (I hardly have an idea what regression in mathematical terms means)! A good substitute for the word of the day could as well be the inertia, so the thoughts follow accordingly:

1. Right here to where we started or at least we're getting there with the speed of light: jobless, clueless, amidst the crisis which is not only ruining our families financially but is devastating the young people's hopes and dreams (and this is a scar so deep that no money compensation could never suffice to erase it- I'm talking about myself here). I'm slowly going towards my 26th birthday and it seems to me that I had achieved more when I was 23. At least I was full of expectations and optimism.
2. People are hopelessly envious. Sometimes I have the feeling that it is envy that motivates you above anything else, not ambition.
3. I think that I am doing something terribly wrong but have no clue what it is. Can't blame the system for everything, can I?
4. The day tasted like my lunch- mashed potatoes with vegetables which they called with some pompous French name- it tasted like rubber. Blunt, dull, tasteless , insignificant.
5. More sweets in my room=more need of mood elevators. Looking forward to opening those brownies I bought from the supermarket.
6. I need a good face moisturizer, but I do not want to pay for it. Shall I consider becoming a thief as apparently honest labour leads to a dead end?
7. Today I had a weird observation about cars. Most of the cars that are being driven here are neither luxurious, nor new. Italy is not as rich as France but the cars they drive there are much better. Question: what do French people spend their money on? I need to find that out.
8. Evenings are getting all the same. I need to break the pattern otherwise my thoughts are going to get darker and darker.
9. Since I read Berbatov's first appearance in the blogosphere, I don't think I will be the same person ever again. Bad PR, mate, very bad!
10. Today I was sitting in the tram on my way back from work and when I looked around I did not see one normally looking young person. Which somehow gives me a subtle, but living hope that I still have a chance somewhere.

I-thought of the day (March 8, 2010)

2010-03-08T21:20:00.003+02:00

The day was marked by my growing frustration with the weather outside- cold, wind, desperation and no signs of spring on the horizon. The fact that it is Monday did not help at all to make me feel better. Here are some of the random and totally insignificant things that made my brain slowly roll.

1. Sandra Bullock won an Oscar and a Golden Razzie. Un giorno di ordinaria follia, as the Italians nicely put it in a movie once.
2. Hollywood is experiencing a significant crisis of good taste. Actors with absurd beards and haircuts, actresses looking like: a. cakes b. lumps of flesh c. old bags d. who-knows-what had conquered the red carpet.
3. My food cravings are growing proportionally to the cold. I just hope my butt doesn't do the same.
4. Can't seem to find the right music for today. Cesaria Evora couldn't do the job. Suggestions?
5. 'Happy 8th of March to all the ones who are proud to be named 'women'...damn, I thought my name was Lily...or at least I've been told so for 25 years. Mom?!
6. I actually started thinking that going grocery shopping on Saturday in Germany is a good weekend plan.
7. Lots of people bore me. To death.
8. In times of crisis, don't give up. Because it can always get worse (or better, but I'm not sure about the latter). Oscar Wilde, I need your cynicism to make it through the day.
9. Substituted the SATC episode before going to sleep with a book. Feels quite good actually.
10. Monday evening- so uneventful, so quiet, so looking forward for it to be over!

I-thought of the day (March 7, 2010)

2010-03-07T20:55:00.003+02:00

Е нека пък този път да е на български, неделя е ден за почивка на мозъка от чужди езици и всякакви дейности изискващи дори минимално усилие.

1. Днес имах сутрешно прозрение- цял ден слушам Faith No More и ужасно ме кефят.

2. Страсбург е ужасно красив град, в който бих живяла още доста време ако не беше гадната зима. Малките тесни кафенета са ужасно привлекателни, особено ако миришат на ръчно направен шоколад както днешното "Bistrot Chocolat".

3. Освежаващ уикенд e този, наистина имах нужда да не се мърдам.

4. Денят беше изключително лишен от всякакви новини, клюки и напрегнати разговори. Беше време.

5. Убедих се наживо, че Пикасо не е моят художник, а картината '3 Noir' е пълен боклук, дори и да е лепната като експонат на модерното изкуство.

6. Едно от най-лошите неща, което може да ти се случи когато търсиш апартамент на сляпо е стаята ти да се падне залепена за тоалетната. Звуците са доста дразнещи.

7. Мисля, че скоро гейовете ще превземат света. Сигурно жените сме доста разочароващи. Харесва ми това. Оцеляват само най-силните.

8. Да говориш за глупости с приятели, към които нямаш останали никакви задни помисли, е изкуство само по себе си и дава изключително чувство за сигурност.

9. Въпрос: Каква е вероятността да си в трамвай в Страсбург в 7 вечерта в неделя и вътре да мирише на готвена манджа с пържен лук, все едно някой готви в момента?

Отговор: Голяма. Не ме питайте.

10. Джаз, гръндж, Джамиро, олд скуул рап. Музикалните ми експерименти нямат край.

I-thought of the day (March 6, 2010)

2010-03-06T18:13:00.004+02:00

As yesterday was a day completely lacking-in meaning and significance (not that today is any different), I'm sorry to announce that I'm directly jumping to the i-thoughts of this Saturday. What a lame excuse for my total refusal/ineptness to execute a meaningful thought-making process. For anyone who was missing it yesterday, here you go:

1. It's lovely every time I see how someone thought of something that would make people's lives easier, i.e. the Germans- just go to their most common stores like Muller, DM or any supermarket.

2. A day you devote to your own self is a great pressure relief. I guess that's the result of being used to living alone. Alone, not lonely.

3. All that jazz...and then more jazz!

4. Coffee and vitamins+ TV series- the new diet of wannabes like me.

5. The Bulgarian president fell very low this time. Pathetic!

6. I feel the need to start reading books again.

7. For a few days now I've been trying to figure out what language I think in. No result so far.

8. What is good to eat in Strasbourg besides tarte flambee?

Maybe a tarte flambee...

9. I just read that German doctors saved a newborn who weighed 250g when taken out of the mother's womb. Now the child weighs over 3 kg. I am beweildered. At first, the baby looked like this (if anyone remembers the "Teardrop" video by the Massive Attack, the similarity is striking)- see above!

So miracles do happen sometimes. But to the others, not to you. Here goes your daily sarcasm dose.

10. Carla Bruni- interesting choice of dress (and of husband by the way).

I-thought of the day (March 04, 2010)

2010-03-04T16:03:00.003+02:00

1. Negative thoughts about the future have occupied my brain and won't leave it.
2. Feeling bloated, need a haircut and something sweet to elevate my mood.
3. I miss my sister a lot in these days.
4. Whoever said that women were complicated, was damn right.
5. Most of the faces I see around are that completely unmemorable that I have the feeling to be in a different building everytime I enter my workplace.
6. Maybe you need to get to the bottom to start rising. I am about to hit it next month.
7. All hopes that spring is finally here are dead and forgotten.
8. Balkan men are pathetic. Good men are rare. The man I love is good and not Balkan, but he doesn't speak my language.
9. I haven't had a decent sleep for way too long now.
10. Word of the day: chiappe chiacchierate. Thanks, P. The word has been added to my dictionary.

I-thought of the day (March 03, 2010)

2010-03-03T13:26:00.003+02:00

My day in 10 random thoughts:

1. I need to stop travelling at least for a little bit.
2. I am becoming sensitive to dust.
3. Happy 3rd of March!
4. Paolo is blogging way too much and I need to keep the pace as well!
5. Don't let yourself be fooled by the bright sun in Strasbourg- the cold still bites (and I bite the dust, eventually).
6. I am getting old and the two white hairs in have in my hair are getting more and more visible every day!
7. What's for lunch?
8. The owner's coming to pick up the rent today- the day can't be good!
9. Runny nose, sleepless nights and a roommate with bad to none hygienic habits is what you get for allowing yourself the luxury of going to the city of Porto for the weekend.
10. Is it Friday yet???

Защо започнах да чета поезия

2010-02-13T15:29:00.006+02:00

Отговорът на въпроса в заглавието е прост- наскоро преоткрих (или по-точно за първи път съзнателно открих) поезията на Христо Смирненски. Не знам защо по-рано не го бях направила. В последствие разбрах също така, че е любим поет на баща ми. Чета и се вълнувам искрено. Става ми хем тъжно, хем хубаво. Тези две стихотворения са ми любимите- прекрасни са:

НА ГОСТИ У ДЯВОЛА
1. ПРИКАЗКА ЗА ЧЕСТТА

В живота си нивга не бях се надявал
на толкова мил комплимент:
покани ме Дявола — старият Дявол —
дома си на чашка абсент.
Свещта очертаваше острия профил
със ивица златни лъчи
и пускайки кръгчета дим, Мефистофел
ме гледаше с влажни очи.
В очите му есенна горест бе скрита,
но все пак бе горд и засмен,
и махна с ръка той "In vino veritas!"
Ще бъда пред теб откровен!
Омръзна ми вече все тоя ярем на
притворство и помисъл зла —
да пием за твойта сърдечност неземна
и сивите земни тела!

Преди векове аз възпрях на земята
и тук устроих си шега:
веичах се за земната Истина свята,
но тя увенча ме с рога.
Възпламнах от ревност, и в черна омраза
за своята стъпкана чест —
човешката чест неуморно аз газя,
но с чест не сдобих се до днес.
Намислих чрез подвизи чудни да блесна —
умирах по сто пъти в бран,
но винаги рицар на кауза честна,
не бидох пак с чест увенчан.
Отчаян, окаян,веднъж в булеварда
аз тръгнах неземно злочест.
И вдигнах над себе си ярка плакарда:
"Човек без капчица чест!"
Но странно: презрение няма ни капка!
Посрещат ме вред с интерес,
любезно отвсякъде свалят ми шапка:
"Без чест ли си? — Прави ти чест!"
Един господин ме целуна: "Ах, братко,
и ти ли!... Ей, кой да те знай!"
Две хубави дами ми казаха сладко:
"Елате в нас утре на чай!"
Чудесно! Невиждано! С почести редки
изпратен бях чак до дома.
Министри, царе и придворни кокетки
ми писаха мили писма.
И ето ме: важен, блестящ, елегантен,
богат като истински Крез!
И знам аз: крадец съм, лъжец, спекулантин,
безчестник; но... винаги с чест!"...
И Дявола млъкна. Наля от абсента,
сърдечно се чукна със мен,
и пускайки пушек на синкави ленти,
прониза ме с поглед зелен.
"Червен смях", 14 март 1923

Сенки
1
Не бяха цъфнали, не бяха още
те – белоснежните цветя
на любовта,
и дълги дни, и дълги нощи
очакваха да
мине тя.
Но дойде есен златодреха,
не мина тя, не дойде тя
и в самота
през скръбна привечер умреха
те – нецъфтелите цветя.
2
Порутен храм в забрава тежка тъне,
разбит кумир край гръмнат дъб,
стени обрасли в бурени и тръне,
наоколо пустош, пустош и сън е...
В душата скръб, пред поглед тъп
блуждай и гасне спомен скъп.
Уж ден, а мрак е непрогледен,
из него демон зъл цари
и съска там смехът му леден,
а аз вървя кат призрак бледен.
Отпред гори и канари,
отпред пътеки без зари...
Цветя посадих, а събрах коприва,
отърсих истини – навред лъжи;
любов разпръсвам – злоба ме облива,
запаля свещ – тъма ме пак обвива...
Глава тежи, душа тъжи –
душа ми кой ще освежи?...

Strasbourg: The Council of Europe Series 1

2010-01-28T15:38:00.004+02:00

Ok, it was about time I wrote something from my new temporary place of residence- the so-called 'heart of Europe' i.e. Strasbourg. I have had so much free time on my hands recently and am so getting used to having it that paradoxically I hardly find any will to blog. But this is comprehensible- once one enters into the habit of slacking off, then it is very, very difficult to get out of the pattern.
Strasbourg- love at first sight, but now I come to understand that I actually do not like the city that much, it is the thought of being here and the people I am meeting that so far have made this experience really worthwhile. The city itself is orderly, beautiful, sophisticated, clean and at first sight it has everything you need. However, I think that my affection for Italy is getting serious- I somehow miss the chaotic order of the tiny Italian street, the noisy people having good coffee (and with the risk of sounding like an ever-complaining Italian- coffee here is genuinely BAD!), this desperate feeling of being lost and lonely even when the neighbours are peeking into your window..and then I miss the food. And here I also risk of being convicted of forgetting to say I miss some people, but I think they know it already..so yes, I miss you- Mery, Paolo, Ceca and even Yana!!!
However, I cannot help it- I am having a great time in Strasbourg. I love it that I never felt lonely in this city, even if I am by myself. And for the first time it actually feels OK to spend a hungover Saturday by yourself, sleeping, doing nothing, staying in your pijamas until 6 p.m. without even showing your nose from your room. Which means a couple of things: apartment's great, flatmates can get nasty but for the first time I could not care less, company is great, work is not, and anyways- I am really having a good time. Which once again convinces me that the things you are not looking forward to are actually those that you never regret afterwards. I am extremely happy with my choice and thankful to the people who actually tried for more than a month to convince me that it was actually good for me to come here. So now it is the time to say- you were right, people, and I was wrong (and I very seldom admit to have been wrong)!
And last for today- I am re-discovering the meaning of the abbreviation 'tgif'! I never imagined it was charged with so much meaning!
More to follow!

За малкия Кирчо

2009-11-20T18:49:00.005+02:00

Ужасно съм покъртена от тази история (тя за жалост не е единствената), и ако някой чете това, нека се опита да помогне по какъвто начин може- ако не с парични средства, поне с мисъл за това малко дете, което е много, много болно и неговите родители, които ми се иска да вярвам имат още малко кураж в себе си. Копирам писмото, прочетено в известен български форум:

Младо семейство от Петрич се бори да спаси 2-годишния си син от рака. „Да спасим Кирчо!" е апелът, с който Иван и Валентина Стамчеви се обръщат за финансова помощ и милосърдие към всички, готови да откликнат. На 29 ноември Кирчо Стамчев ще навърши 2 годинки. Като всяко първородно детенце е радвал родителите и близките, докато през месец юли в педиатрията в София му откриват туморно образувание над десния бъбрек. „На скенера се установи, че туморът е голям 10,5 см, опира в черния дроб и панкреаса и се е впил между два прешлена на гръбначния стълб на сина ни. На моменти предизвикваше такива болки, че Кирчо не можеше и да ходи. Предписаха ни 3 химиотерапии. Но се оказа, че те не дават очаквания положителен ефект, след третата туморът беше пораснал до 18-20 см, а детето ни започна да се окосмява като пълнолетен мъж. Предложиха ни четвърта химиотерапия, но категорично отказахме - какъв е смисълът, като не дава ефект. Оставаше ни операцията и ние я приехме. След операцията обаче откриха разсейки на рака в белия дроб на Кирчо и запушване на артерията му с 3-сантиметров тромб", разказа пред „Вяра" вчера бащата Иван. Междувременно родителите научават, че на обиколка в страната е американският професор Дейвид Уокър. Заедно със Силвия Кацарова и българска фондация се опитват да намерят спонсори, за да построят клиника за лечение на рака в България. Чрез естрадната певица Иван и Валя се свързват с проф. Уокър. Той преглежда Кирчо и дава 85-90% гаранция, че ще излекува детето. Условието е да съберат 40 000 лв. и да го отведат в клиниката му в Мексико, където ще му приложи природосъобразна билкова терапия. Най-добре е да летят за Мексико на 25 ноември, защото положението на Кирчо се усложнява. „Нощем започва да се буди, свит на кълбо, и плаче", казват родителите. Те са категорични, че колкото по-бързо успеят да намерят необходимите средства и да отпътуват, толкова по-добре. И двамата обаче са безработни. Иван е съкратен от частна фирма и в момента го регистрират в Бюрото по труда. Валентина също е безработна, искала е да ползва отпуск по майчинство, но се оказва, че няма необходимите осигуровки. Затова се обръщат за помощ към всички, които могат да им подадат ръка - от роднини и близки до община Петрич и правителството. „Вярваме, че ракът невинаги е смъртоносен и че има лечение. Стига да го намерим и приложим на детето. Въпреки мнението на нашите лекари, че няма спасение, ние твърдо вярваме, че има. И колкото по-бързо го намерим, толкова по-добре", е мнението на бащата и майката на Кирчо.

„Започнахме преди седмица и към момента сме събрали половината от необходимите ни средства", споделят те. Ще заминат с надежда, че в касичките, поставени по магазините в Петрич, и по банковата им сметка ще се събере и останалата сума. Курсът на лечението в Мексико е 8-9 седмици и „с Божията помощ и помощта на всички, които се отзоват според възможностите си" семейство Стамчеви се надява през месец февруари догодина да се приберат благополучно в Петрич.

Иван и Валентина благодарят от все сърце на Илия Луков, Любка Рондова, Володя Стоянов, Владислав Вълчев, „Старите петрички муцуни" и младата рок банда „No frames", които в четвъртък от 18,00 ч в големия читалищен салон ще изнесат благотворителен концерт за спасяването на Кирчо. В неделя ще се състои и благотворителен футболен мач. „Благодарим на Бога, че не сме сами. Благодарим на общината, на фирмите, на нашите съграждани и всички хора, които се отзоваха и продължават да се отзовават на призива ни за помощ в борбата да спасим сина си", трогнати са Иван и Валя Стамчеви. За всички, които искат да помогнат, адресът на семейство Стамчеви е: гр. Петрич, ул. „Калабак" №13. А банковата сметка в лева на името на Кирил Иванов Стамчев е: BG49 ТТВВ 9400 55242726 94 SOCIETE GENERALE EXPRESSBANK

Бяла Коледа

2009-11-18T12:14:00.003+02:00

Здравейте от страната на виното, слънцето, равиолите, лазанята, пицата, канцонетите, Леонардо да Винчи и Вечния град Рим! Здравейте от страната на Гучи, Валентино, Николо Макиавели, Силвио Берлускони и мафията! Здравейте от Италия, където коледните приготовления са вече в разгара си, особено в провинцията на град Бреша.

Отварям днешния брой на "Република", и чета: "Un bianco Natale senza immigrati: Per le fest il comune caccia i clandestini" (Бяла Коледа без имигранти: за празниците общината изритва незаконно пребиваващите). Става въпрос за поредната гениална акция, наречена "Бяла Коледа", по едноименната песен на Бинг Кросби на крайно дясната администрация на малката община Кокалио (Бреша), която цели да "изчисти" градчето от нежелани субекти за Коледа. Към дълбоката символика на името на акцията ще се върна след момент, сега две думи какво ще представлява тя:

До 25 декември тази година, според идеолога на акцията Клаудио Абиенди от Лега Норд в Кокалио, град с малко повече от 7000 жители, 1500 от които чужденци, полицията ще звъни от врата на врата в около 400 домове. Тези, на които разрешението за престой (Permesso di soggiorno) е изтекло преди повече от шест месеца и които вече би трябвало да са подновили процедурата по издаване на ново такова, ще загубят правото си на местожителство. Сред чужденцте, чиито брой е нараснал в последните години от 177 на 1562, преобладават мароканци, албанци и граждани на бившите югославски републики. Те рядко създават проблеми на властите, но според кмета на града, Франко Кларети, има нужда от "прочистване".

Естествено, грубостта и бруталността на тази акция, оставя либерални хора като мен и теб без думи. Разбира се, Лега Норд не измисля за първи път поредни гениални ходове, за да се отърве от ненужните никому имигранти от Северна Африка и Балканите. Ясно е как в Италия се гледа на чужденците, и особено на тези с етикет "екстракомунитари" (т.е. чужденци от страни извън ЕС). Не мога да си обясня обаче друго нещо- как така страна, която е дала на света толкова неща и в която се е развивала европейската цивилизация и ценности, е успяла да превърне жителите си в такива безхаберни, затъпяли и изостанали във времето овце, които не виждат по-далеч от чинията с пастата на баба си и от лъскавата си кола, с която обикалят дискотеките и се чудят как да влязат гратис. Не разбирам как може тези хора да имат право да гласуват и да избират политици като тези от Лега Норд да ги управляват. Не ми ясно как и кога Коледа, който е един от най-големите християнски празници в дълбоко католическа Италия, се превръща в синоним на низка злоба и ненавист към хора беззащитни и безвредни, макар и не винаги имащи нужди от закрила. Свалиха разпятията от училищата, но насъскват полицията и то точно в навечерието на ден, в който би трябвало да сме щедри и добри.

И остава въпроса- дали Бялата Коледа за повечето от нас ще се изразява само в пеене на банални и звънки коледни песни, купуване на лъскави играчки и подаръци Made in China, ядене и пиене, или в резервиране на еднопосочен билет за полет на Кландестинеър за опитващите се нелегално да се впишат в празничната обстановка.

Ноемврийско-мъгляви уроци за добро държание

2009-11-16T17:58:00.004+02:00

Mного отдавна нищо не съм писала, а ми се случиха и не ми се случиха куп неща.

Завърших преди месец и половина, прекарах първото си лято в Италия, направих си профил в Twitter и bg-mamma, почувствах се отличник, безработен, имигрант, засегнат от глобалното затопляне, магистър, европеец, кулинар и какво ли още не.

Днес прочетох едни мъдри баснички-уроци, които не съм ги измислила аз, но ме накараха да се усмихна и ги споделям, преведени и на български (от уважение към семейната ми аудитория).

Урок номер 1:

Мъж влиза под душа точно когато жена му излиза оттам, а в това време се звъни на вратата.Жената бързо се загръща с кърпа и тича долу да отвори. Отваря вратата и вижда съседа, Боб. Преди да каже нещо, Боб и предлага: "Ще ти дам 800 долара ако пуснеш хавлията на земята". След като се замисля за момент, жената пуска хавлията на земята и се показва гола на Боб. След няколко секунди, Боб и връчва 800 долара и си тръгва.

Жената се загръща отново в хавлията и се качва отново горе. Когата отива в банята и мъжът и я пита кой е бил, тя отговаряя: "Боб, съседа". "Супер, отговаря съпругът и, каза ли нещо за 800-те долара, които ми дължи?"

Поука: Ако споделите критично важна информация, свързана със заем или риск с вашите акционери навреме, можете да успеете да предотвратите публично разобличаване.

Sonnets

2009-05-14T22:27:00.003+03:00

I have been quite absent in the last period, even though I really had some moments, in which I felt like writing. Now it's not one of these times, so tonight, as I will be trying to put some effort into writing my thesis, I just post a lovely sonnet by Shakespeare I recorded from high school. For the ones who read Bulgarian, please take a look at the translation too, it's by Valeri Petrov. I think he did an amazing job, some of his translations I really do find better than the original. Here you go:

Душа нещастна, ядко на плътта,
нападана от страсти денонощно,
защо гладуваш вътре в нищета,
а кичиш свойта къща тъй разкошно?
Защо се грижиш тъй за този дом,
нает за кратко и строен нездраво?
За себе си, душа, купувай, щом
наследник му е червеят по право!
Тъпчи се във ущърб на тази плът,
с която храним ний смъртта всеядна,
дордето тъй съсухри я гладът,
че заже тя, Смъртта, да свърши гладна.
Когато смърт Смъртта ни сподели,
завинаги безсмъртна ще си ти.

Sonnet 146
	Poor soul, the center of my sinful earth,
	[Thrall to ] these rebel pow'rs that thee array,
	Why dost thou pine within and suffer dearth,
	Painting thy outward walls so costly gay?
	Why so large cost, having so short a lease,
	Dost thou upon thy fading mansion spend?
	Shall worms, inheritors of this excess,
	Eat up thy charge? Is this thy body's end?
	Then, soul, live thou upon thy servant's loss,
	And let that pine to aggravate thy store;
	Buy terms divine in selling hours of dross;
	Within be fed, without be rich no more.
	So shalt thou feed on death, that feeds on men,
Сонет № 146

10 Random Reasons Why I Am Not Motivated (please do not think it's a complaint letter, it is NOT)

2009-03-25T23:16:00.002+02:00

1. If I manage to overcome my laziness and get my ass to write down my master's thesis, I will have the same degree that other people with a basic knowledge of English and no preparation in political science whatsoever are going to have too.

2. I am actually afraid of finishing my thesis, because that would mean that I will have to become automatically unemployed with no excuse, and the idea of job searching freaks me out.

3. Obviously nobody ever thought that despite I come from a EU country (very poor one by the way), I also need some financial stimulation for the results I get in my studies. Hey. we were also under Communism, give me some credit! I heard that the Italian Foreign Ministry is very generous to children of Eastern Europe..

4. I am a 25-year-old daydreamer with a low self-esteem, a bank account charged with my parents' money, and fear for telling things to people's faces.

5. I have no silicon boobs, colagen-filled lips, tiger top, hair extensions and a mafia boss boyfriend. I am too stingy to pay for a haircut in Italy, and my boyfriend is a regular everyday normal guy and we enjoy having aperitifs instead of trips to the Maldives.

(Don't get me wrong, at least we pay for them with our own money and we talk about music and books and political science, which is enriching. We also like travelling though).

6. People with silicon boobs, colagen-filled lips, tiger tops, hair extensions and mafia boss boyfriends are role models in my country. The same people think it's a big deal when they learn how to use the word "consensus" and they think their whole mindset changed after reading Paulo Coelho's books.

7. I do not know how to deal with questions about my future plans and how I plan to realize them, so I just smile stupidly and try to change the topic.

8. I actually could stay all day at home watching VIP Brother, Music Idol and Desperate Housewives. I even enjoy it. I constantly refresh the website of Music Idol to see whom they kicked out.

9. Plane tickets are really getting damn expensive. Buses make me sick. Trains make me sick and dirty.

10. The world is experiencing a severe economic and financial crisis, globalization and the Pope is telling people not to use condoms. This has already depressed at least half of the world population, why should I be an exception?

Защо не празнувам осми март

2009-03-08T21:35:00.004+02:00

Днес е осми март и като всяка година трябва надълго и нашироко да се впускам в обяснения защо не го празнувам и защо не го зачитам за празник. Така че оттук нататък, след като напиша това, не искам да се чувствам длъжна да се оправдавам защо го отричам. Ще бъдете директно упътени към тази страница, затова и тази статия е и на български, и на англиийски, в името на политическата коректност.

Всъщност...предполагам, че в кръвта ми се съдържа голямо количество антитела срещу осми март, може би защото в моето семейство това никога не е бил празник. Помня как в училище в началото на месец март ни караха да правим картички за майките ни, и как съучениците ми събираха пари, за да им купят подарък. След това, когато идваше големият ден, всички носеха цветя на учителките и говореха какво бащите им са подарили на майките им, и как родителите им ще празнуват вечерта. Картичките ги правех и аз, защото беше задължително, естествено не бяха особено красиви, защото рисуването не ми е силна страна, но когато идваше денят никой от роднините ми не идваше при майка ми нито с подарък, нито дори с някой самотен увяхнал карамфил. Баща ми винаги дебело подчертаваше, че това е комунистически празник, който се зачита в Русия и сателитните и страни. Майка ми пък просто казваше, че мрази този ден, защото според нея в годината не трябва да има само един ден, когато жената се зачита, докато в останалите 364 е претоварена с работа. Моите контраргументи, че в останалите семейства не се мисли по същия начин, оставаха глас в пустиня, така че се налагаше да прибягвам до глупави детски лъжи, които казвах на приятелите си в училище. Спомням си, че веднъж стигнах толкова далеч, че казах на една приятелка, че баща ми е подарил на майка ми кожено палто за празника. Това беше в период, когато семейството ми беше толквоа бедно, че подаръкът за рожденния ден на майка ми бяха чифт пластмасови джапанки от пазара.

Разбира се, цялата тази семейна пропаганда ми повлия върху мнението, което си създадох по-късно, но мисля, че и сама успях да стигна видя, че особено в България този празник е една голяма безсмислица. Винаги съм усещала някаква дразнеща миризма на мухъл в осмомартенския въздух. Чудя се дали това е само заради комунистическия дух на този ден, или заради нежеланието ми да призная, че този ден се отбелязва в цял свят, също и на запад.

Освен това, винаги полудявам при мисълта за жени с току-що направени прически и с по-силен от обикновеното (а и от нужното) грим, които с изкуствено приповдигнато настроение излизат вечерта „по женски“, да гледат мъжки стриптийз, да се напият, да се почувстват бляскави, да си правят фалшиви комплименти и после да злословят против мъжете, като много често с това се опитват да скрият колко са нещастни в любовта, в семейството и в живота като крещят безсмислени фрази вариращи от смешното „Женска силааа“ до тежките пиянски обиди от рода на „Това копеле не ме заслужава“.

Не са за мен тези неща. Никога не съм мислила, че мъжете са боклуци, дори и за миг, дори когато не ми вървеше много в любовта. Наистина, вярно е, че в момента съм щастливо влюбена, но това не значи, че не ми харесва да излизам с приятелки. Но някак си никога не успявам да се впиша във всеобщото настроение на определени празници като Свети Валентин, Нова Година и Деня на Жената...защото това са точно дни, в които някой е решил, че трябва МНООГО да се забавляваме. По банален начин. Аз пък, честно казано, предпочитам спонтанността.

И нека да си го кажем- цените на цветята днес са неразумно високи. А екстравагантният живот е нещо, което не всеки може да си позволи, особено в тези тежки времена. Повярвайте ми, знам по-добри начини да си изхарчите парите:)

P.S. Все пак обичам да получавам цветя през всички останали дни, само не днес:)

Why I Don't Celebrate 8th March

2009-03-08T17:38:00.005+02:00

Today is the 8th of March and as every year, I need to get involved in long arguments and explanations on why I do not celebrate it and do not consider it a holiday. So from now on, after writing this, I will not feel myself obliged to justify my denial of this holiday. You will just be referred to my blog, that's why I intend to post this also in Bulgarian, to be so-to-say "politically correct".

Well, well, well...I guess my blood contains some strong 8th-of-March antibodies, because in my family this has never been considered a holiday. I remember how at school in the beginning of March they would make us draw cards to give to our moms as presents and how my schoolmates would save money to get their mothers a gift. Then, when the big day would come, everybody would bring flowers to our female teachers and would start telling what presents their moms got from their fathers and friends, and how they were to celebrate it in the evening. The cards I made, as it was a part of my school obligations, not great ones, of course, as I am not a very talented painter, but when the day came, no person from my family gave my mom any present or at least- a lonely carnation. My father would always emphasize to me this was a Communist holiday celebrated in Russia and the subordinate countries, and my mother would just say that she hates that day as according to her there shouldn't be just one day in the year on which people suddenly decide they need to celebrate women and in the rest 364 days of the year would just overload them with duties. My counterarguments that all the other families do not think so remained basically unheard and so I just resorted to some childish lies that I would say to my friends at school. I remember once I went so far that I said to a friend that my dad bought a fur coat to my mom on the occassion. It was about the period my family was so poor that the only present my mom got for her birthday were plastic slippers from the market.

Of course all this family propaganda influenced my judgment later, but I think I grew enough to see with my own eyes that especially in Bulgaria this holiday is quite a nonsense. I always feel something mouldy and irritating in the 8th-March-air. I wonder if it's just some of the Communist connotation this holiday will always have for me, or just my refusal to deny that it is celebrated internationally, also in the Western world.

Moreover, it always freaked me out to see some ecstatic women with their hair freshly styled and their make-up stronger than usual (and than necessary) going out in artificially high spirits to have a ladies' night out, to see strippers, get drunk, feel fabulous, make fake compliments to each other, and then later bitch about men and very often try in some ways to hide the fact how unsuccessful they are in love, family and life by screaming out meaningless statements varying from the funny-sounding "Girl power!"to the serious drunken insults like "That son of a bitch just does not deserve me, I can do so much better".

Not for me. I never thought men are trash, not even for a day, not even when I was not quite successful. It is also true that I am happily in love, but this does not mean I do not enjoy ladies' nights with my girlfriends. But somehow I never manage to get myself in the right mood on certain holidays, such as St Valentine, New Year and the Woman's Day...because those are exactly the days when someone decided I should just have LOOOTS of fun. In a banal way. I prefer spontaneity, honestly.

And let's just say it- prices of flowers today are unreasonably high. And extravagant life is something not everyone can afford, especially in those hard times. I know better ways to spend money, trust me. :)

P.S. I still love getting flowers on any given day but today:)

Slovenia reloaded

2009-02-27T13:25:00.005+02:00

Oh yes, did I ever mention in my previous posts that I was coming back to Slovenia for an exam? Yes, I did it, and here's the final result:

- money spent- 100 euro +

- exam grade- 9/10

- time s pent in transportation- 17 hours/40

- fatigue and getting sick on the night train back- priceless

- extras- a professor trying to hit on me after he examined me for 40 minutes- totally free.

Well, here goes the story. After we left our Ljubljana apartment in the beginning of the month, we were left with one more exam to do on the 25th, which meant that we had to come back to Ljubljana on the 25th, have the exam, do some bureacratical stuff that we didn't manage to do in January and leave the same day/night. Well, simply put, it was terrible. We arrived in the middle of the night after having changed three trains, ran for the hostel (which actually was a nice surprise, as it was clean and warm and cozy), went to sleep, woke up, studied, ran to the faculty, ran to the institute where the exam was going to be, got examined for 40 minutes (Svetlana's exam was even longer- more than an hour, I almost fell asleep on a chair waiting for her), went for a drink with the professor, ran to the train station to get tickets, ran to the old apartment to pick up some books, then to the supermarket to buy Vegeta that does not exist in Italy, ran to the hostel to pick our luggage, ran to Natasa's place that's on the opposite side of the city, spent the evening there (still somehow I never managed to get rid of the feeling that I was homeless), took a taxi to the train station, froze waiting for the train and instead of defrosting in the train, got even colder.

So far for the boring details. Now something more spicy. In fact, I am kind of disgusted. On my last exam a middle-aged professor, which I always had respect for, as he appeared quite professional, tried in a horrible way to hit on me. I am not of course, playing the virgin, I didn't get horrified, or insulted, or mortified, I just thought it was quite disgusting of him to do it so obviously. The first thing was that before he started examining me by accident he revealed some skteches of naked women that he had done on the back of a sheet of paper with a pencil. Well, I thought it a mere coincidence, in fact there's nothing wrong with drawing, right? However, later the details just started fitting in like parts of a jigsaw when he invited me and Ceca for a "freshly-squeezed juice" (the meaning of this phrase will never be the same afterwards) and started explaining about some beach, in which one might feel romantic also at daytime (exactly how?!) and luckily, does not even need a swimsuit. Then he also mentioned that his hobby was photography and that if we were interested he would show us the studio he works in (what? I thought he was very busy teaching on every continent of the world...). Well, isn't a professor supposed to be taking students to libraries and conferences and not to some darkened rooms...Then, to make matters even worse, I mentioned that I did not feel myself very photogenic and he offered to shoot me in his studio to prove me wrong. Adding this proposal to the fact that he was staring at Ceca's breasts made the whole thing a little more than we could digest.

In any event, the whole story is funny. It is also sad though. I didn't want to say it before, but I think that the best academics to me are very lonely people. They are great brains, great public speakers, very informed, bright and composed, but they virtually cannot exist in the normal world, because they do not know how to fit in. In the classroom they are great. On paper too. But outside, on a glass of freshly-squeezed juice they simply do not know how to joke. And this is something I cannot contain, really. Or maybe I am mistaken. But I will stand up to what I said until I find someone to prove me wrong.

So yes, these are the thoughts I have this morning, after having 12 hours of sleep, two paracetamols, and a cup of herb tea. The rest is joy that this time I can really say I closed the Slovenian chapter. Right until I reopen it to start writing my thesis. But that could wait, and luckily, it will not bring any financial damage to my poor student account.

On Sacrifice..Kinda

2009-02-19T19:43:00.005+02:00

If life abroad has ever taught me something, then this must be the art of making sacrifices. I regret to say it, but these are mostly financial. Sacrifice to me is something that one wants strongly, but you should give up eventually. Like the pair of shoes that you see in the shop and that you just drop as a hot piece of iron as soon as you see the price tag. Like a tempting piece of cake when you just went on a fruit and vegetable diet. Like when your child daughter asks you for a Matel's Barbie doll and all you can get her is a Chinese imitation. Like counting to 10 when someone makes you lose your temper instead of blowing it right away in his/her arrogant face.

Take an example. Since February last year, when all my friends but me went to see Venice's carnival, I was determined not to miss it the following year. In fact also this morning I woke up with the idea that I would be finally going there or tomorrow, or Saturday the latest. But when I was hit with a hard dose of reality upon checking my bank account and thinking of the extra money I need to spend next week because I should go to Ljubljana again to take my last exam, not sleep for two consecutive nights, needing to face a demanding professor who by the way is an old bachelor with a special interest in girls' boobs, combined with the fact that I am feeling already quite guilty that I spent all those money on clothes and accessories during the winter sales, I guess I will just skip it again until next year.

Until better times come. After I finish with the exams. After I find a job. After I become financially independent from my parents (and I am sooo grateful I always have them behind my back, really). After I find that job, despite the crisis. After seeing that most of the people I know are already settled and having cocktails after work, which I would only be able to pay for with the debit card my parents charge everytime I go back to Italy. After I start to get the results and their financial depiction of the hugeee investment of money, labour, nerves, etc. in the fund called "Lily's education".

Well, I guess these are too many after's. The future might seem quite well planned and organized (and yes, I know that nothing ever occurs as planned). I wonder what's now though. Cause I feel I am feeling I am slowly marching at the same spot. Travelling without moving- this was the refrain of an old trance song by the Astral Projection. I guess that should do it for now.

Still sacrifice is good, isn't it? It makes you patient. It allows you to enjoy and be content with what you have. In the end, who needs all that crowd in Venice, and I am sure on Saturday it will be just hellish!

p.s. Oh yes, and I know what's tonight at least- a dinner to look forward to. Enjoy the small things in life! And this is not sarcastic!:))

Пиянството на един народ

2009-02-17T17:25:00.004+02:00

Японският министър на финансите си подаде оставката, след като беше обвинен, че се е появил пиян на пресконференция на Г-7 миналата седмица. От 1974 Япония не е била в такава сериозна икономическа криза, това е факт. Че кризата е станала повод за не едно и две тежки напивания от мъка и безпомощност, е без съмнение. Дали пък министърът е бил пиян, или само замаян от неразумно количество лекарство против настинка, както обясни по-късно, не се знае със сигурност. Не ми се вярва, въпреки убедителните кадри, които вървят по интернет. Те всъщност не са даже и смешни. Обаче светът говори, и човекът си подава оставката. Каквато и да е била истината, станал е обект на присмех и на подмятания, че има проблем с алкохола, става, извинява се и си отива.

Нека сега си представим същата ситуация, но в България. Георги Първанов изпива една бутилка домашна ракия от родното си село и отива в Русия. Да говори за стария дълг на СССР към страната ни и да иска старите архиви. Прави мили очи на братушката си Медведев. Завалва думите и говори неразбираемо...ами аз пък например никога не го разбирам какво иска да каже. Това значи ли, че е винаги пиян? И по- важното- значи ли, че ще си подаде оставката? И което е още по-важно- ние ли сме пияните, че избираме такива политици, които нямат нито срам, нито съвест, нито достойнство и не си подадоха оставката след нито една от всички изцепки?

Май вместо да пилеем грешни пари по чалга дискотеки и за лъскави дрешки, по-добре да направим една разходка до Азия. Но не за да домъкнем дотук контейнер с евтина китайска стока, която да изтъргуваме в някое забутано магазинче. А за да се опитаме да разберем какво точно представляват понятия като чест, срам, достойноство, чувство за отговорност и имат ли те почва у нас.

Anger Management in Ljubljana

2009-02-17T17:00:00.003+02:00

Well, I'm back from Ljubljana...actually I missed the whole part of writing my impressions from my stay there, but it's OK, in the end it was not anything special...actually it was disappointing, madre Italia makes me feel better about myself. The only things I actually did in the Slovenian capital could be described in a short paragraph. They were:

- get angry at my flatmates, who never cleaned and left all their garbage, hairs, WW I- oxygen masks, pizza boxes, Q-tips, etc. anyhwere...and I mean anywhere;

-get angry at the organization of the whole "mobility" thing, courtesy of the lovely MIREES and the University of Bologna, as well as of the even lovelier University of Ljubljana...if you wanna learn how not to organize student exhchanges and how not to treat foreign students who have no clue of what courses they are allowed to register, please contact the abovementioned univesities and they'll tell you all about it;

-get angry with the rain...and yes, in Ljubljana it does rain a lot, and the sun practically stopped shining in November and never came back until I left the city on February 1st...sometimes rain would be replaced by snow, which was cool, but it never lasted for a long time. But yes, at least unfriendly weather was an excuse for bad mood and total unwillingness to socialize;

-get angry with myself for not doing anything and not having any desire to change that. There's nothing more depressing than reading on the lower bed of a bunk bed in poor light..totally impossible...but watching Sex and the City instead is just great;

-get angry with my owner, who never showed the utility bills that we needed to pay, and instead always asked us to pay 40 euros with the excuse that he forgot the receipts at home. Obviously he had also forgotten that you don't enter in people's rooms without knocking, even though t's his apartment...in the end by paying the rent I am allowed to have some privacy, am I not?;

-get angry at people complaining about anything. Well, yes, life sucks and then you die. But I cannot stand when people complain. What's wrong? Since when did people become obsessed with trying to prove that they're doing bad in life, that they feel uninspired, sick, their teeth hurt, their sex life sucks, their partner does not appreciate them enough, that they ate too much because of PMS and now they feel like balloons, that they are cold, unsatisfied with what they're doing, worried...and most of all- money is not enough? Well, if the whole complaining-thing is some kind of a contagious disease, I just hope not to get it...or is it too late yet?

Well, that's about it. That was my life sequence for the last four months of my life. In the end anger became so overwhelming that I even had difficulties breathing. Or maybe this was not anger's fault, or my own helplessness. In the end, what did I do to change the situation? Nothing, just escaped to Italy a few times. To spend time with my beloved ones. I am grateful for that though.

There were some good exceptions, of course. Sometimes Ljubljana did not seem so bad. But this was always through the prism of a Joe Pena's margerita. And I am thankful for that.

First Impressions from Ljubljana

2008-10-07T19:05:00.003+03:00

At the end of my first week as an exchange student in Slovenia, I finally decided to devote a quarter of an hour of my most precious free time to share some impressions. Something old, something new, something borrowed, like in American weddings :)

Something old

In fact, several things. The first one is that Ljubljana seems to me as charming as it seemed to me in July this year, when I visited it for the first time. A pretty, ordered and clean city center without any pomposity, but with a certain touch of precision and some Central-European coolness, which makes you feel warm and cozy instead. With all due respect to a certain Mediterranean country, which I am simply in love with, for me Ljubljana personifies more the European spirit....but in the end all roads lead to Rome, you know ;)

Back to my microcosmos...living with three guys and sharing a bathroom...the toilet seat is always up when it needs not be...the hair of one of my flatmates is waay too long, which leaves the issue with the falling 50-cm- long hairs still unresolved. Anyways, I'll try to remain positive here.

Third, a great remnant from good old Italy. I thought that since this is a capital of a Balkan (or OK, Central European country), every single shop and restaurant must be open at least 24/7. Surprise, surprise- they work less that Italians- they remain closed also on Saturday, or work only till 1!

Something new

First and foremost, talking about new-the apartment I live in. Somehow, by pure luck, I am living in one of the most VIP quarters of the city, just five minutes far from all the key places in the center. The building was built in 2004, I have 3 different keys and I need to unlock four different dours, in order to enter my apartment. Good beginning of a long friendship with this city (Just for comparison- in Italy I live in centro storico, for those who don't know what this means- anything that's at least 100 years old :))

Maybe the next thing is new just for me, but Ljubljana is the cleanest city I've been to so far. Cleanliness struck my blurred Bulgarian eyes, who are used to hearing that WE ARE REALLY TRYING HARD BUT SEEMS THAT THERE'S NO PLACE TO HOST SOFIA'S GARBAGE...and believe me, there's a lot of trash in Sofia. I guess we should ask the people in Ljubljana where they put theirs...or wait a second, I guess I know- in the containers for separate trash disposal which can be found anywhere. Slovenians really do recycle! And if they don't throw garbage separately, they at least throw it in the containers, not around the containers!

Now my personal best- the importance of living in a welfare state. Great news for all international students coming to Ljubljana. Guys, know that against your student card and a one-hour line in the student organization office you can buy meal coupons priced 0.50- 4 euro, to eat a full-course meal in a great number of good restaurants around the city. I just really love that, I am going to lose all my cooking habits! Still gathering info about which the best restaurants are, but already have a personal favorite- La Cantina Mexicana in the center. I don't know if it's genuinely Mexican, but it really IS delicious!(OK, I know I care too much about food, but blame it on the Italians, I wasn't like that before, or maybe I was, but in Italy I learned it's not wrong, just the opposite- it's a matter of good taste:)))

And my recent discovery- public transport. Yesterday me and Svetlana were trying to enter the number 11 but they didn't allow us because it seems that here you only can get on from the front door, next to the driver! And obviously nobody even tries to get on from any other door...now try this in Sofia!

Something borrowed

Not a lot really. OK, I wouldn't agree that "burek" is a national dish, but let's call it Balkan. Ajvar?mmm...isn't that lyutenica?...and I talk about food again...I'd better stop here.

Or OK, not yet. Slovenians did borrow Austrian order in the way they organize their cities. But in terms of the organization of their university faculties, they couldn't get any closer to Italy. So until they let me know how I am to organize and schedule my courses here, and how to get permission to enroll in postgraduate courses even though I am a postgraduate student, I am just going to enjoy cheap and good food and breathe clean air from the balcony of my room...I've seen worse than that after all.

More impressions to follow as they come along.

Hvala najlepjsha!

Celebrity Skin

2008-09-13T00:54:00.005+03:00

If somebody wondered today why today in the afternoon the central street of Varna around the University of Economics was blocked by the police and two men were sitting on the pavement in front of two identical black jeep cars with handcuffs, here is why! Great things happened also today- the police managed to catch a criminal group, connected to an illegal prostitution canal. The boss is the second-mandate member of the City Council of Varna Vesselin Danov, son of the famous lawyer and former chief of the Constitutional Court Hristo Danov(!?), and last but not least- a participant in the second Bulgarian VIP Brother. So, as from today, he is also an inhabitant of Varna's jail, at least for the next couple of hours. Let's see for how long. Not easy to be a celebrity at all...

For those who read Bulgarian, here's the info: http://btv.bg/news/news_details.pcgi?cont_id=118233

летно-есенни настроения

2008-09-12T17:19:00.000+03:00

През последните 2-3 седмици чета книгата на Ноам Чомски, "Провалени Държави", и си мисля няколко неща...не много, защото чета само вечер, преди да заспя, затова и имам малко време за мислене в периода между изгасянето на лампата и пренасянето в страната на сънищата.

Засега всъщност единственият пример за провалена държава, която той дава, са САЩ, или добре, заедно с държавите, които САЩ са успели да провалят в желанието си да покорят света и да станат абсолютната супер мощ. Да, всички сме гледали филмите на Майкъл Мур и сме се смели на лепенките по американските коли "We support our troops", смели сме се на Буш-измите и на американците, които си избраха такъв президент, че и два пъти. И злорадстваме "Е, заслужиха си го американците 9/11З! Така им се падаше, да видят те!"

Всъщност за книгата няма да правя коментар, случаите не са съпоставими, просто ми хареса заглавието, стори ми се подходящо.

Да, много е лесно да се смееш на другите и да не погледнеш себе си. Ние пък с какво право се смеем тук в България? Остана ли за какво да се смеем, освен на собствената си трагедия? Даже Слави Трифонов и "Комиците" вече се изтъркаха.

Защо някой тук не вземе да каже, че и ние сме си една провалена държава? Хайде стига предизборен оптимизъм, софийски боклук, Бате Бойко и приятелско потупване по рамото от някой западноевропейски лидер!

Провалихме се във всичко- вътрешна и външна политика, членство в Европейския Съюз, изгонихме малкото млади и талантливи хора да си търсят щастието и реална оценка за таланта си навън, а тук останаха малко свестни и много чалгаджии. И майките и бащите ни да ни чакат да се приберем за по 2 седмици. То всъщност и много от чалгаджиите избягаха, но си занесоха домашната ракийка и дисковете с чалгичка и в чужбина, плюят тъпите американци/германци, отвращават се от дебелите им жени и си викат "Ех, какъв кеф е в България, там е животът"...ами върнете се, де! Ама не се връщат...

Това са размислите ми в края на лятото...не съм първата, която казва тези неща, няма и да съм последната, която и на края на септември ще си стегне куфарчето и ще замине в Италия. Този път и сестра ми идва с мен и смята дълго да стои. Аз също. И се надявам да е и по-дълго, отколкото го мисля. И ми е мъчно. И не искам да се опитвам да превърна живота си в чужбина в български микрокосмос, а да се нагодя аз. Така е по-лесно. Не е казано, че всичко винаги трябва да става по трудния начин. Затова и гледам да не размишлявам много много, че иначе ми става криво- въпреки всичко.

"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"

2007-04-10T13:39:00.000+03:00

Nothing tastes sweeter than an afternoon spent at home with your family and director Tim Burton’s remake of Roald Dahl’s story, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” And this is not only because of the chocolate surroundings and the mountains of candies, which raise the viewer’s endorphin levels as high as the living-room ceiling. Johnny Depp’s character- the chocolate magnate Willy Wonka, who is coaching five kids in the world of his chocolate kingdom, with his creepy smile, unnaturally white teeth, impeccably polished black shoes, and eccentric behavior, delivers a performance that just needs to be seen.

The day spent at Wonka’s factory includes a boat trip along a chocolate river, a visit to the whipped cream department, where we actually see cows being whipped; a nut department, where hundreds of trained squirrels crash nuts better than any machine; and an elevator which moves not only up and down, but also left and right. During this day four unbearable kids, who very much remind us of our own offsprings, get punished for their annoying behavior. In the end of the day, the chocolate journey will make you start sympathizing with Depp’s character, who, even though the owner of the most successful chocolate factory in the world and the friendly help of the small Oompa-Loompa creatures, is terribly lonesome. In fact Wonka is one big kid himself - which probably explains his weirdness and his alien-like posture.

In terms of the moral content, do not expect this movie to go beyond the superficial. Even though the plot accentuates some family values, they get lost in the huge candy piles, Oompa-Loompa’s uncoordinated dances and the vivid colors of the factory. The movie, above anything else, provides a powerful visual delight, and this, apart from Johnny Depp’s acting, is its other strongest asset. The soundtrack fits perfectly in this picture, making the viewers beat the time with their feet and head for more than hour and a half- and in a little childish way.

And before making yourself comfortable in your armchair, do not forget to take something sweet with you- the chance to experience chocolate or candy craving while watching is pretty high. If you still happen not to like chocolate after seeing the movie, you probably took Wonka’s dentist father definition of lollipops, “cavities on a stick,” too seriously. My advice- don’t- life is as sweet as you allow it to be.

A Job Not Well Done

2007-04-02T18:40:00.000+03:00

If I were in the shoes of the Bulgarian Interior Minister, Mr. Rumen Petkov, before trying to show off about anything, I’d think twice. His actions do not have a good record of being applauded anyways, and reasonably so. However, on Thursday, when he announced the report, which Sofia had to present to the EU Commission about Bulgaria’s progress in the ‘Justice and Home Affairs” sector, he quoted some figures, which made not only Brussels, but also me, raise my eyebrow skeptically.


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http://evropa.dnevnik.bg/show/?storyid=324273

297 trials for corruption, which resulted in a sentence. 1,706 concluded pre-trials on corruption cases. 599 prosecution acts against 705 people. And all those achievements for just six months. So far, so good. What’s wrong then? How about some other figures? Did the Minister name any public figures, who were convicted of corruption? No! Like there is no high-level corruption in Bulgaria! Mystery… Was the full text of the report publicized and made available to the Bulgarian citizens? Another negative answer, and another mystery. In this respect ,the Romanians should serve as an example, which we could use- they had the audacity, despite the heavy political crisis they are going through right now, to upload it on the ministry’s website. Somehow I’m starting to think the Minister is hiding something. And then comes the most important question- is the Commission satisfied? Of course not!

Mr. Petkov, you think you can fool the Bulgarian citizens, in front of whom you are responsible above anything else, and maybe you are right. After all, you’re still a minister in this rotten government, although you act as if you are afraid even of your own shadow. However, your attitude towards Brussels is quite arrogant. Do not try to throw dust in their eyes too, cause they see further than that. I don’t think they will embrace your report after the big political compromise they did to accept the country into the Union. Do not expect a friendly pat on your shoulder for a job well done. Instead, please do save your arrogance for the criminals, which you constantly want to try and never manage to catch.

On Irresponsible Driving

2007-03-30T20:46:00.001+03:00

A policeman slammed a car near the Bulgarian town of Parvomay and ran away, coming back ten minutes after the incident, refusing alcohol check and giving blood sample. A Bulgarian citizen hit three fellow citizens with his car in Italy and sped off, leaving dead two people, one of them a 15-year-old child. Eighteen innocent people died on a killer-bridge near Byala a few days before last Christmas. 118 people have been killed on the streets of Sofia alone last year. And if this statistics does not touch anybody, because it did not happen in their family, maybe the thought that each one of us can be the next victim of the craze called Bulgarian “Road War” could be a little more shaking.

The changes to the Road Law, which the Ministry of the Interior introduced two weeks ago, increasing the charges for traffic regulation violation, and the ambitious program which aspires by 2010 to reduce the number of the killed in car accidents on the Bulgarian roads from 5842 to 700 are just a small fraction of what needs to be done.

What is more important is a change in the drivers’ attitudes. They need to understand that driving without obeying the rules is not only threatening the life of the others, but also their own. Sitting behind the wheel after having two glasses of rakia is irresponsible driving. Better stay on the table, have another drink and let the sober ones drive. Even if this is your brand new, glossy and expensive new car. And even if it cost a fortunes- a hands-free for your mobile phone is still affordable- and you do need it when you drive.

Dropping ten leva in the pocket of the angry underpaid policeman does not permit anyone to drive with 100 km/h when the speed limit indicates 50 km/h. Because road signs and limits are for everybody and they are put for a reason. They are to raise awareness that there are others on the same road, and to remind the ultimate goal of any trip is to arrive at the destination in one piece.

And if somebody thinks that this is too much to be required- at least use seatbelts. If not- just go to your doctor and sign a declaration that you agree to donate your organs to other people in case you have a lethal accident. Because some need the life others are careless about.

What Is the Deal About a Not-a-Big-Deal Video

2007-03-30T16:58:00.000+03:00

Last week, among the entertainment materials on the Bulgarian website vbox7.com, a two-minute long video appeared. It included exclusive footage of Bulgarian soldiers performing their duties in Iraq. The controversial thing about it was, however, not what the soldiers did, but what they said. The video showed them throwing racist remarks at local Iraqi people- in Bulgarian- while giving away free bottles of water. Their speech included phrases like “ugly gypsy, look at him”, “if you only were two or three years older…” (obviously implying that a girl, who does not look more than 10, could be an object of their sexual desires had she only been a little older), and “here is the other monkey”. Soon after the videos were made public, those became widely discussed in the Internet forums and the blogosphere and provoked a lot of comment, both condemning and neglecting the importance of what happened. Allow me to share with you the first lines I read in the forum of the Bulgarian daily “Dnevnik” (I consciously omit the spelling mistakes in the opinion of the user with the nickname Engineer Phillip)- “He [the soldier] told him [the Iraqi child] he was an ugly gypsy- big deal! Why did the government make so much noise? Nobody killed or raped anyone…”

Dear Phillip,

As I do not communicate through Internet forums, let me comment back to you here:

Indeed it is not like the Bulgarian soldiers killed or raped somebody. They certainly did not commit a military crime, and did not desert their duties. You are probably right that the Ministry of Defense did make too much noise about the problem, which is neither something new (the video is three years old, from the time when Bulgaria sent its second military contingent to Iraq), nor the most important one the Bulgarian Army needs to solve. I doubt the Bulgarian soldiers meant bad when they made the obviously inappropriate jokes with the Iraqi children, and it is also true that they made the jokes in Bulgarian, so the children could not possibly get them and get offended.

People like to mock other people. Usually when they make jokes, they laugh even harder, when they know that the ones whom they are addressing their humor at cannot understand them. It is an especially easy and quite low-profile job to make jokes at the weaker, the poorer and the suffering, especially when they are children. They cannot or do not know how to throw a joke back. There is no dignity in ridiculing small children- in any way- for it is simply not funny. The image of the Bulgarian soldiers, about whose bravery, high spirit and impeccable moral we have heard enough legends, is also not funny. It seems pathetic. This video threw it deeper the gutter than it used to be. The firing of the two or three soldiers, who participated in the small comedy shooting, will not be enough to make up for what people saw. Of course, the arrogant behavior of the soldiers did not surprise anybody, nor did it make anyone in the country blush- for the simple reason that similar things happen in the Bulgarian army quarters on a daily basis, and this video is just a good visualization of something we are all aware of. In the spirit of this, dear Phillip, will it also not be a “big deal” if somebody called you a dirty gypsy (which I am sure you are not) when your country is devastated by war, you live in the desert and have to pray for a bottle of water? Or, speaking in a general context- is it OK for a civilized man to speak like this to others, even though they have no way to understand? Probably not. I think it is time for all of us to get rid of that improper, uncivilized and humiliating language- it’s degrading not only to the people we use it against, but also to the one who uses it .

p.s. This is a column I wrote for a journalism class last week.

To Begin With

2007-03-30T14:26:00.000+03:00

This is going to be my first post in my blog, so I decided it's a good idea to present myself to the world.
As regards the basics: I am Lilly, from Bulgaria, 23 y/o, senior at the American University in Bulgaria, majoring in Political Science and International Relations, as well as Journalism and Mass Communication. Currently I reside in Blagoevgrad.
I guess that does not make me quite different and exceptional, and it would definitely not make you read my blog. Actually I am not trying to say there is a reason to read it at all, I set this blog just to put some random thoughts, pieces of writing, and academic papers (maybe), so that I can try to organize what's in my head, and also on my HDD in some way.
My plan is basically to refelct some current events, post some opinion, and also share with you some of my findings during my constant surfing the net. I also like to talk about music and books a lot, so expect me also to write about that- as an admirer, not as a professional of course.
Will be looking forward to receiving some feedback- I will try to make the major postings in English, but I assume I will write also in Bulgarian from time to time. Need any help with translation? Just ask, and I will be happy to help- in anything!
Blogosphere, here I go!
Stay tuned for my first postings!

p.s. This blog is a tribute to my professor Bobby Phillips, who was the first to reveal for me the power of blogging! Thanks!